We Survived
by Queen of Loopholes
Summary: AU, but spoilers for the Christmas Special. He had wondered when she was going to break down. (Decided to turn this into a multi-chapter fic. Enjoy.)
1. Chapter 1

_We Survived_

__I do not own Downton Abbey or the characters.

He had wondered when she was going to break down.

After hearing the news of Matthew's death, Sybil had been the strongest one in the room. He had seen the tears fill her eyes, but she blinked them away before anyone could notice. She instantly rushed to her father's side, sliding her arm through his as he faced the window. His hand had come up to squeeze her arm and she rested her head against his shoulder.

Tom had gone to Cora's side, offering her his handkerchief and sitting down next to her. After a long silence, and a few sobs, Edith brought up that someone would have to tell Mary.

Sybil, of course, was the one who volunteered. He decided to go with his wife, offering her whatever strength she needed.

Mary, understandably enough, completely broke down. Tom had taken the newest Crawley while Sybil held onto her sister, once again fighting back tears.

It wasn't until they were alone in their cottage that Sybil had allowed herself to cry.

He had gone to the washroom to clean up. He had come back into their bedroom and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her whole body shaking. He was by her side in an instant, two strong arms wrapped around his wife's body. She had grabbed at him, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"I don't know what I would do if you…" she croaked, pulling away to look up at him. Her eyes were bright red from crying, her cheeks wet with her tears.

"Shh, love. I'm not going anywhere. Ever," he reassured, brushing a hand over her hair.

"But what you must have gone through when I was in labor…"

Tom shook his head and dismissed the thought. "Do not think about it, my love."

"I cannot help but to think of it!" Sybil cried, standing up quickly. "It was merely hours ago that Mary and Matthew were celebrating the birth of their son, and now Mary is a widow and that child will never know his father." She pressed a hand to her chest to quell the sobs threatening to interrupt her. "I came so close to that, Tom. I nearly left you without a wife, and our daughter without a mother."

He stood and scooped her into his arms. "But you are here, Sybil. You survived."

"But what you must have gone through…"

"I survived too, Sybil." He tipped her head up and softly pressed his lips against hers. "We all survived. And now, we need to help your sister do the same."


	2. Chapter 2

"What is so urgent?"

The question caused the other women in the drawing room to look up at the youngest Crawley daughter. Sybil had received a message, requesting her presence at the house. Leaving Little Sybbie with Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson, Sybil had hurried to the drawing room. There, she found her mother, her grandmother, and her sister. They all looked tired and worn out.

Edith was the first to speak. "Mary refuses to eat. She hardly acknowledges the baby."

"She can hardly be blamed, Edith. She just lost her husband."

Sybil felt her stomach clench at her mother's response, but she pushed her feelings away. Her dear sister was hurting and she needed help. "What can I do?"

Her mother smiled softly at her. "We've all tried to talk to Mary, but she will not listen."

"She wouldn't even speak to me. And I know a thing or two about losing a husband." Despite Granny's effort, Sybil could hear the hurt behind her words.

"I'll try."

Sybil departed the drawing room and headed toward the baby's nursery. He was being fed when she walked in, but the nurse gladly handed him over. He fussed for a few moments, but Sybil's experience calmed him down quickly.

"Would you like to see your mama?" She whispered softly to the young babe as she carried him into the hallway and toward her sister's room. The baby looked up at her and yawned, causing Sybil to giggle. "You should go easy on her. She has lost quite a bit." Sybil pursed her lips to keep the tears at bay.

She knocked lightly on the bedroom door before opening it, peeking in to make sure her sister was decent. Mary was lying in her bed, her back toward the rest of the room. "Mary?" Sybil stepped further into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Sybil. I'm sure Granny and Mama put you up to this, and I will tell you what I told them. I do not want company. I do not want condolences. I simply want to be left alone."

"I'm afraid that I am not here for you." Sybil sat down on the edge of the bed, and the baby in her arms decided to make a noise. Mary turned quickly, looking down at her son before looking up at Sybil. Tears swam in her eyes and she reached a hand out to touch the baby's hand. "He needs you, Mary. I will not tell you that I understand what you're going through, because I do not. But your child needs you and as someone who has nearly lost her life, and left her child without a mother, I would never-ever-want to see Tom wallowing in his grief while our child needed him. I would not be able to rest in peace with the knowledge that Tom was neglecting our baby."

Mary sat up, the tears streaming down her cheeks now. "Give him here," she croaked, holding out her arms. Sybil handed the baby over, moving closer so that she was sitting next to Mary, a hand resting on her sister's arm.

"You don't have to go through this by yourself, Mary," Sybil whispered, resting her head on her shoulder. "We all loved Matthew. We are all grieving. Not as much as you, but we are."

"He was the love of my life," Mary confessed with a sob. "How am I supposed to do this without him? What will happen to our child? How can I ever tell this darling boy just how wonderful his father was?"

"We will all do it, Mary. This child will know his father. I promise you."


	3. Chapter 3

Sybil's feet were throbbing. She had worked a long shift at the hospital and what she wanted more than anything was to collapse onto her bed and sleep until the following day. However, as soon as she walked into her little cottage, she heard two sets of feet running toward her. Stifling a groan, Sybil knelt down and scooped up the two little bodies that flung themselves at her.

"Hello darlings," she greeted, pressing a flurry of kisses to the two distinct heads-one blonde, one dark brown.

"Hello mama."

"Hello Aunt Sybil."

Sybil's smile brightened at the sight of little Reggie. He was getting so big and looked so much like his father. But there was a bit of Mary in his bright blue eyes. The same seriousness and sadness in Mary's eyes were present in Reggie's. Sybil reached up and brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes.

"What are you doing here, Reggie?"

"Visiting."

"Reggie wants to ask you a question, mama." Little Sybbie nudged her cousin with her elbow. "Go on Reg, ask her."

Sybil watched the little boy shuffle his feet, his gaze toward the floor. "Don' wanna."

"You can talk to me about anything, Reggie."

He looked up at her, and for once, Sybil saw the childish innocence in his eyes. "What was my papa like?"

Sybil picked up the two young children and brought them over to the worn sofa in the middle of the sitting room. She sat down, putting both children in her lap. "Your papa…he was so kind. Such a bright spot during our down times." She tightened her grasp before continuing. "He loved your mama more than anything in this world."

"More than da loves you, mama?" Sybbie questioned, sitting up straight and looking over at her mother.

Sybil pursed her lips together and shook her head, shushing her daughter. "The same, my love." She looked at the little boy in her arms. "Has your mama ever talked to you about your papa, Reggie?"

"No, Aunt Sybil."

Sybil frowned, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. "He fought in the war. He fought bravely."

"Was he hurt?"

"Mhmm," she replied with a nod of her head. "Your mama helped take care of him."

"Did…did papa love me?"

Sybil closed her eyes, feeling her heart crack just a little from his question. "Oh sweetheart," she lifted him so that they were looking at each other eye-to-eye. "Your papa was so excited when you were born. He loved you before he even laid eyes on you. Promise me, Reggie, that you will never doubt your father's love for you. Or your mother's. Ever. Do you promise?"

"I promise, Aunt Sybil."

"Good." She scooted the children off her lap and took their hands. "Come now, Reggie, we'll take you back to the house."


	4. Chapter 4

With Sybbie spending the night with her grandparents, Sybil and Tom had the cottage all to themselves. Sybil was determined to make it a memorable and wonderful one. She had cleaned the rooms, lighting a few candles despite the electricity installed. Dinner was set up on the table, wine was poured in the glasses, and she was wearing quite a lovely dress (with a surprise underneath).

Her husband, apparently, had other ideas for the night.

"I am trying to do your father a favor and help with the estate and how does he repay me? By going over my head and making the decisions without consulting me. What was the point!"

Sybil's eyes rolled up toward the ceiling and took a deep breath. "Tom-"

"I know he is your father, Sybil, and I shouldn't speak poorly of him in front of you, but he is a bloody pain in the arse."

She grabbed the sides of Tom's head and made him look at her. "Tom."

He slumped a bit and rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, Sybil."

"Apology accepted." Sybil murmured, pressing her lips against his softly. "Would you like to hear about my day?"

"I'm sure it was longer and harder than mine." Tom ran his hands up and down her back slowly. He kissed her again, this time taking his time with her lips. "I missed you."

"I missed you." Sybil led Tom to the table and motioned for him to sit. "Reggie was here, asking about Matthew." She sat down and her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth. "Mary won't talk about him."

"She will, in her own time." Tom began digging into his dinner, glancing up at his wife. "She will. And in the meantime, we will tell Reggie about his father, when he asks." He put his fork down, reaching over and resting his hand on her arm. "This is lovely, by the way, thank you."

Sybil suppressed a smile. "You didn't ask what this is all for."

At Tom's raised eyebrow, Sybil stood and walked-sashayed-over toward her husband. "Do you remember that time when it was so cold that we huddled together for warmth?" She noted the flush creeping into her husband's cheeks as she settled down into his lap. "Well…" she took his hand and rested it against her abdomen. "There may have been a small consequence of that."

She watched as his eyes lit up with happiness, then become clouded with fear and doubt. "Sybil…"

"Shh." Sybil pressed her finger to his lips. She leaned her head against his, their noses touching lightly. "Do not ruin this moment. Dr. Clarkson said that we will take this slow, month by month."

"And delivery?"

"If I show signs of eclampsia, I'll deliver at a hospital." Sybil placed a hand on Tom's cheek, brushing her lips to his. They sat there, silently, for a few minutes, letting their thoughts run through their minds. The truth was that Sybil was terrified of giving birth again. She didn't want to leave Tom or Sybbie alone. She felt the tears build behind her eyes. "Tom…"

"Oh darling, I am happy about this. I am." Tom peppered her face with kisses. "One month at a time?"

"One month at a time."


	5. Chapter 5

Tom glanced over at his sleeping wife. Another baby. A new life. It was about time, when he really thought about it. Even though it had been four years since Matthew's death, a shadow still hung over the family. Another baby just might lift that. As he dressed, he thought about what it would be like to have another baby. Would Sybbie be okay as an eldest sister? Would they have another girl, this time? Or perhaps Sybil would give him a boy…Tom couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. A bouncing baby boy.

He slipped out into the early morning. He knew Sybil did not have a shift at the hospital, and with Sybbie at Downton, Tom thought it best that she get some decent sleep. He headed toward the big house, intent on getting Sybbie and spending the day with her.

HIs feet led him in a different direction. He found her in the library, where she usually was early in the morning. He cleared his throat as he entered, making her aware of his presence. "Good morning, Mary."

"Oh. Good morning, Tom. Sybbie is still asleep. She and Reggie were up far too late last night."

Tom smiled. He knew his daughter well. She did enjoy breaking the rules. "I apologize if she was difficult."

"Not at all. Why are you here, Tom?"

"Well," he began, sitting down across from Mary. "If I tell you something, will you keep it a secret?"

"Of course." Mary scooted closer toward the edge of the sofa, a sly, conspiratorial smile on her lips. "What is it?"

"Sybil is pregnant again."

Mary leaned over and covered one of his hands with her own. Her face was bright with a genuine smile and it surprised Tom to see her happy. "Oh Tom, that's wonderful. It is exactly what the family needs."

"Thank you."

Mary leaned back, her lips pursed in a thin line. "You're worried."

"I am." Tom sighed, his fingers subconsciously playing with the ring around his finger. "That isn't why I'm here, though. Reggie was over the cottage for a visit. Sybil said he was asking about Matthew." He noticed Mary stiffen and held his hands up with his palms forward. "I am not telling you how to raise him, or that you have to talk about Matthew. I thought you should know he was asking questions."

Mary looked down toward her hands. "He asks me about him every so often, but I never know what to say."

"The truth, Mary. Matthew was a wonderful man and husband."

"He had his moments," Mary teased with a sad smile. The two sat there in silence for a while. Tom watched various emotions flicker across Mary's facial features. He felt guilty for bringing back so many bad feelings.

"I miss him. Reggie looks so much like Matthew that it hurts."

Mary's confession went straight to Tom's heart. He could only imagine how she felt. With Sybbie looking just like her mother, it would have been a constant reminder of what he had lost, had Sybil lost her life after giving birth to little Sybbie. His heart ached at the thought of it, and even more at the thought of possibly going through it again.

"You're stronger than the rest of us."

"I'm not so sure that, but thank you." Mary stood up with a smile. "The children should be getting up soon. Why don't you join us for breakfast in the dining room?"

"I like the sound of that." Tom stood as well, holding his arm out for Mary. He heard her chuckle and she slipped her arm through his.

"Always the gentleman, Tom?"

"Always."

Mary looked up at him with shining eyes, unshed tears threatening to spill over. "Sybil is so lucky. I'm sorry to have ever doubted you."


End file.
